Seireitei Border Security
by TripWire- dono
Summary: Seireitei had decided to assign a customs officer on the border of the city and Rukongai. Iba- fukutaichou gulped as he held the white package closer to his body. What would happen when they find something that is utterly dangerous in his arms? R&R plz.


**Man, another fanfic… I gotta get a life…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach… And I keep reminding myself.**

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**Seireitei Border Security**

Iba had just come back from his adventurous trip in _Rukonga_i and was wondering about the package he had to deliver to a friend. Why can't the bloody supplier to it himself? He thought as he was approaching the gate with the monstrously large Jidanbou on the side of it until he noticed that the gate was opened already.

"Funny, what's that dude sitting there like a duck?"

True, there seems to be a _Shinigami _there holding up a booth of some sorts with a couple of people lining up. Was that Yamada Hanatarou he saw?

Damnit! He forgot! Iba slapped his forehead.

He forgot about the subject of the fukutaichou's meeting last week. Their topic was border security for Seireitei. They had agreed to a put what they named a 'customs officer' to inspect the entire items brought in from Rukongai, to make sure nothing hazardous enters Seireitei.

The last time someone brought an infected chicken in from Rukongai, three days later, half of the _shinigami's_ were down with dysentery.

How could he forget!

A light bulb flashed on top of the 7th _fukutaichou's_ head. Maybe, I can sneak in… Nah, Jidanbou had very sharp eyes. He didn't like to laze around and believed in earning your money, not slacking off. Perhaps he could _shunpo_ really fast into the gate and they wouldn't see him. Nah, he was sure Ise _–Fukutaichou_ would be there on the other side to catch lieutenants like him, trying to cheat the law.

He gulped and held the packet with a steady hand. There was only one thing to do. He headed towards Hanatarou and his booth.

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**"You are aware aren't you that it is illegal to bring any dairy products, plants, live animals and untested fruits and vegetables from _Rukongai_?" Hanatarou motioned for Iba to place his bags onto the booth bench. He followed his orders.

"Yeah" said Iba

Hanatarou pulled out the first thing he touched from the bag. It was a tub of _I Can't Believe It's Not Butter_" **(A/N: It's a real butter brand, you can look it up)**. Indeed, the shades wearing _fukutaichou_ did buy butter from _Rukongai_. Only he decided to change the brand name into one of the many butter brands he saw in the real world. It was a retarded brand for butter but it was the only one he could remember. At first it was written in an unusual script called _'English'_ that Renji had told him about and translated it to their native tongue for him.

"What's this?" Hanatarou held up the tub and inspected the sides, not trying to open it.

"It's a tub of _I Can't Believe It's Not Butter_. Look, I'm sorry, so please let me off the hook and I'll promise I'll never ever do it again. 'Kay?"

"No, see, it's not butter. It's _I Can't Believe It's Not Butter._ Therefore, it's _not_ butter" Hanatarou beamed and put back the tub into the shopping bag whilst Iba looked on, confused.

'_Is there something wrong with this kid?'_

Hanatarou pulled out another object. It was the bag which was entrusted to him from a supplier of the _Rukongai_ PX to deliver to a friend.

'_If Nanao finds out, I'M A GONER!'_ Drops of sweated beaded onto the lieutenants nose.

Jidanbou also inspected the bag, looking over Hanatarou's shoulder.

Hanatarou held up the white bag revealing the big writing on the side in black ink.

_I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT HEROIN_

"_I can't believe it's Not Heroin?"_

"I c-can explain t-that-"

"I think that's all in order. You may pass through" Hanatarou gave a blinding smile at the tomato red lieutenant. "Oh and of course! Welcome back to _Seireitei_"

Both Jidanbou and Iba blanched and toppled backwards at the sheer stupidity emitting from the boy.

'_HE'S SO STUPID!!!'_

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**I wrote this at the same time as **_**A Simple Robbery**_**. So I'm a very sad and bored child. I feel like a homeless hermit with a laptop. (Oh, the irony)**

**Remember to review! I gave up my study time for this! See how equally stupid I am? I was wondering, that butter brand, it's actually made from buttermilk isn't it? I really liked that butter when I was young. **

**TripWire- dono**


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